Ideal Muslim Husband

Most Muslim men would like to be ideal husbands. And most Muslim women


would, no doubt, like to be married to one. But, for some reason, the men


are not ideal husbands, and the women will almost surely admit that they


didn't marry one.



So, why the discrepancy between our sincere aspirations and reality? Is it


an inability on the part of the man, an impossible goal; or is it perhaps


that we do not even know what an ideal Muslim husband is?





Wrong Concept of an Ideal Husband


A look at the matrimonial section of an Islamic magazine will quickly


demonstrate that many Muslim men and women do not know what an ideal Muslim


husband is. Muslim men looking for wives advertise themselves as doctors,


engineers, and financially secure. Muslim women appear to be on the lookout


for an established professional or more likely a handsome MD.



Rarely do Muslim men and women even mention character, religious


convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most, they might be mentioned


as a sidebar. It seems that many of us believe that a man is an ideal Muslim


husband if he is handsome, makes a lot of money, and comes from an


influential family. And the divorce rate among Muslims continues to rise.






Standard of Judging an Ideal Husband


As Muslims, we must base our judgment on what makes an ideal Muslim husband


on the guidance of Allah () and the example of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), not


on the standards of a TV sitcom, the culture in which we were born, or our


own materialistic mentality.


Characteristic of an:

Un-Ideal Husband: Hot Temper


A major problem in some Muslim marriages unfortunately is the husband's hot


temper and harsh behavior. Some even go so far as to abuse their wives. Dr.


Quick gives a word of warning to these men who often come from cultures that


teach them to be tough and macho.



He says that there should be no violence between husband and wife and that


Muslim men should not be the kind of tyrannical fathers whose children run


away and hide when their father comes home. He says that we have to separate


our non-Islamic cultures from Islam. The ideal Muslim husband will base his


behavior on Islam, not on his Arab, American, or Pakistani culture.




Un-Ideal Husband: Egoistic

Another major problem in Muslim marriages is the husband's failure to


consider his wife's opinions. In fact, Abdallah Idris Ali says that the


failure of the Muslim Ummah as a whole has to do with our failure in


practicing the concept of Shura (consultation). People think that they are


right and others are wrong, he says.




We will do much better if we consider the opinions of others and let them


feel that they are a part of the decision-making process. Along the same


lines, Dr. Quick points out that if a woman makes a true (haqq) point, the


husband should submit to it. He should in no way reject a point just because


it comes from a woman.




Demonstrating the huge difference between the way the Prophet (SAWS) dealt


with his wives and the way Muslim men deal with their wives today, Abdallah


Idris Ali tells the story of the time when Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was


sleeping under one cover with his wife Ayesha, and he asked her permission


to get up to pray.




Un-Ideal Husband: Unhelpful


The failure to help in the house and to help with the raising of the


children are well-known weaknesses of husbands. The video makes it clear


that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) helped in the house, and Abdul Malik Mujahid


says that a man cannot be an ideal Muslim husband, or even close to a good


husband, if he leaves the responsibility of children completely to the


mother.



Khadija Haffagee tells the story of a father who took a three-month-old


infant to pray with him and after the prayer did the 'tasbih" on the child's


hand. This, she said, was training by the father. Dr. Quick warns that when


training our children, we should be careful not to raise sons with a double


standard where they have no household responsibilities. If we do, they will


likely grow up with the attitude that they don't need to do this kind of


work --- that they are above it.

 Prophet: An Ideal Father


As a beautiful example of a healthy father-child relationship, Abdul Malik


Mujahid tells the story of how the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) used to stand up


for his daughter Fatima, kiss her, and give her his seat when she came to


him. This was in an age when people preferred sons and looked down on having


daughters. With this simple act, the Prophet (SAWS) showed us how to express


love and affection for our children --- an essential quality for an ideal


Muslim husband.



An Ideal Ex-Husband

In fact, what emerges from the video is that being an ideal Muslim husband


has very little or nothing to do with the amount of money one has, physical


beauty, or the prestige of one's job. Rather, it has to do with one's


commitment to Allah (SWT), one's knowledge of and willingness to follow the


guidance of Allah (SWT) and the Prophet's example, and one's commitment to


do righteousness even in difficult situations.




The ideal Muslim husband should be humble, gentle, kind, considerate,


caring, loving, open to good advice, willing to cooperate with others in the


family rather than dictate rules, helpful in the house, involved in raising


the children, and never abusive either physically or mentally.




No doubt, this is a very tall order. Becoming an ideal Muslim husband will


certainly not be easy. It will take a jihad against 'jahiliyyah" thinking,


selfishness, ego, vanity, anger, pride, and arrogance.




Bottom Line

Full of excellent advice, encouragement, and wisdom, this video should help


any Muslim husband to improve. Although there are no guarantees that he will


ever become an ideal Muslim husband, it will, InshaAllah, start him on the


way.




source:  http://iluvislam.com/english/lifestyle/marriage/484-the-ideal-muslim-husband.html