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Friday, 6 May 2011

Ideal Muslim Husband

Most Muslim men would like to be ideal husbands. And most Muslim women

would, no doubt, like to be married to one. But, for some reason, the men

are not ideal husbands, and the women will almost surely admit that they

didn't marry one.

So, why the discrepancy between our sincere aspirations and reality? Is it

an inability on the part of the man, an impossible goal; or is it perhaps

that we do not even know what an ideal Muslim husband is?

Wrong Concept of an Ideal Husband

A look at the matrimonial section of an Islamic magazine will quickly

demonstrate that many Muslim men and women do not know what an ideal Muslim

husband is. Muslim men looking for wives advertise themselves as doctors,

engineers, and financially secure. Muslim women appear to be on the lookout

for an established professional or more likely a handsome MD.

Rarely do Muslim men and women even mention character, religious

convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most, they might be mentioned

as a sidebar. It seems that many of us believe that a man is an ideal Muslim

husband if he is handsome, makes a lot of money, and comes from an

influential family. And the divorce rate among Muslims continues to rise.

Standard of Judging an Ideal Husband

As Muslims, we must base our judgment on what makes an ideal Muslim husband

on the guidance of Allah () and the example of Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), not

on the standards of a TV sitcom, the culture in which we were born, or our

own materialistic mentality.

Characteristic of an:

Un-Ideal Husband: Hot Temper

A major problem in some Muslim marriages unfortunately is the husband's hot

temper and harsh behavior. Some even go so far as to abuse their wives. Dr.

Quick gives a word of warning to these men who often come from cultures that

teach them to be tough and macho.

He says that there should be no violence between husband and wife and that

Muslim men should not be the kind of tyrannical fathers whose children run

away and hide when their father comes home. He says that we have to separate

our non-Islamic cultures from Islam. The ideal Muslim husband will base his

behavior on Islam, not on his Arab, American, or Pakistani culture.

Un-Ideal Husband: Egoistic

Another major problem in Muslim marriages is the husband's failure to

consider his wife's opinions. In fact, Abdallah Idris Ali says that the

failure of the Muslim Ummah as a whole has to do with our failure in

practicing the concept of Shura (consultation). People think that they are

right and others are wrong, he says.

We will do much better if we consider the opinions of others and let them

feel that they are a part of the decision-making process. Along the same

lines, Dr. Quick points out that if a woman makes a true (haqq) point, the

husband should submit to it. He should in no way reject a point just because

it comes from a woman.

Demonstrating the huge difference between the way the Prophet (SAWS) dealt

with his wives and the way Muslim men deal with their wives today, Abdallah

Idris Ali tells the story of the time when Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was

sleeping under one cover with his wife Ayesha, and he asked her permission

to get up to pray.

Un-Ideal Husband: Unhelpful

The failure to help in the house and to help with the raising of the

children are well-known weaknesses of husbands. The video makes it clear

that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) helped in the house, and Abdul Malik Mujahid

says that a man cannot be an ideal Muslim husband, or even close to a good

husband, if he leaves the responsibility of children completely to the


Khadija Haffagee tells the story of a father who took a three-month-old

infant to pray with him and after the prayer did the 'tasbih" on the child's

hand. This, she said, was training by the father. Dr. Quick warns that when

training our children, we should be careful not to raise sons with a double

standard where they have no household responsibilities. If we do, they will

likely grow up with the attitude that they don't need to do this kind of

work --- that they are above it.

 Prophet: An Ideal Father

As a beautiful example of a healthy father-child relationship, Abdul Malik

Mujahid tells the story of how the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) used to stand up

for his daughter Fatima, kiss her, and give her his seat when she came to

him. This was in an age when people preferred sons and looked down on having

daughters. With this simple act, the Prophet (SAWS) showed us how to express

love and affection for our children --- an essential quality for an ideal

Muslim husband.

An Ideal Ex-Husband

In fact, what emerges from the video is that being an ideal Muslim husband

has very little or nothing to do with the amount of money one has, physical

beauty, or the prestige of one's job. Rather, it has to do with one's

commitment to Allah (SWT), one's knowledge of and willingness to follow the

guidance of Allah (SWT) and the Prophet's example, and one's commitment to

do righteousness even in difficult situations.

The ideal Muslim husband should be humble, gentle, kind, considerate,

caring, loving, open to good advice, willing to cooperate with others in the

family rather than dictate rules, helpful in the house, involved in raising

the children, and never abusive either physically or mentally.

No doubt, this is a very tall order. Becoming an ideal Muslim husband will

certainly not be easy. It will take a jihad against 'jahiliyyah" thinking,

selfishness, ego, vanity, anger, pride, and arrogance.

Bottom Line

Full of excellent advice, encouragement, and wisdom, this video should help

any Muslim husband to improve. Although there are no guarantees that he will

ever become an ideal Muslim husband, it will, InshaAllah, start him on the



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